3:32 PM

Today has been a horrible day. Between classes and work today was horrible. There are a number of things that go on in this world that I hate, and it seemed that they all appeared today.


1.) I hate drug addicts. I feel remorse for them to the fact that they can't control their urges to put down a needle or a pipe. But when we admit them to the point that they are clean, free of withdrawal... only to come back higher than Everest... it bugs me. Here we are, rushing to the very second to bring your sorry ass back to life, only for you to go back and shoot it up. We had a man come into day, "Brian", for his fourth detox in three weeks. I felt bad for Brian when he first over dosed and came in for help. He cried and cried saying he needed help... and that’s what we do... help. But come on Brian, this is the third time you've come in crying. Inevitably, we had to send him away for some more in-depth psychological help.


2.) I hate stuck up people... people who think they are so much better than everyone else. I hate it when you are trying to assess someone during an emergency they find it necessary to complain that haven't seen anyone because they have a cough that won't go away. You are not the only one with a problem! If we based the emergency room on a first come first served basis, there would be so many deaths. Suck it up and wait!


3.) I hate death. There is nothing I hate more than we lose a patient. We lost three people today, and it is the hardest thing to overcome. You know what’s worse than a regular 'ol death? When it’s a child... that makes it even harder. If you have ever seen someone die, or have seen a dead body, it is a weird experience. First, you don't feel as if the person who is lying before you a person anymore, as if you can sense their soul moving on. "Emily", the six-year-old girl who died on our table at 3:32 PM today, was the hardest death I had ever witnessed. Emily was beaten by her father, the poor girl had a whole life to experience, but it was cut short by an asshole. Emily came in accompanied by her pathetic, crying, and drunk father. The front of her yellow daisy sundress was covered in blood; for the past hour, she was vomiting blood. By the time we could come to her aide her symptoms were extreme. She could barely keep her eyes open and her pulse was extremely low. Her heart slowly began to fail... but not even the best drugs on the market or the power of the defibrillator could keep her heart from failing. God Bless you Emily. I don't think I could have been happier today when he was arrested.

4.) I also hate more death. We lost an elderly man today to a stroke, and we lost a middle-aged woman to a car accident. I really hate death, and I really feel bad for the families who have to feel the pain of losing someone they love.

On the contrary...
I met with Cali yesterday and we had a good time, it turns out we have a lot in common. It’s weird, our favourite book: The Winter of Our Discontent by Steinbeck, our favourite colour: green (she does have beautiful green eyes), and drink: delicious coffee. I drink seven cups of coffee a day, it wouldn't surprise me if 1/3 of my budget goes towards coffee, it’s so expensive at the hospital.

I went up to Paul's room today and we had a nice chat for about an hour. Paul told me about his life, what a poor guy. He started his own company that dealt with stocks. He had quite a respectable business until he was forced to close down because he couldn't handle his fast aging and the demands of the business. He also told me about war; he talked about his best friend, who is listed on the Vietnam Memorial in Washington. Do you think it’s worse to have a friend die before you, and say goodbye... or die without you and not be able to say goodbye? Paul was there when his friend died, but he says he wishes he wasn't. He wants to be able to remember the good times, not his lifeless body. When I told him, I would want to say goodbye he laughed. They know you are going to miss them, Beau. They know it’s not going to be easy, and they know they are going to be missed. What is the point of putting yourself through that mess? I suppose he's right... who wants to go through that emotional strain?